The Scale Shape Our Minds

The Scale Shape Our Minds



            “Mirror, Mirror on the wall am I the skinniest of them all?” Beauty in our society has many different ways to be measured, one being a person weight. Each and everyday people step on the scale and slowly become overwhelmed by the weight that is reflected on the screen. People want to fit in, look right, and not be placed into the category of overweight or obese.  It’s hard to ignore the constant reminder that being overweight takes years of your life, developing heart disease, diabetes, and slowly those concerns put panic into people minds. Creating the right platform and changing people’s mindset of weight slowly shapes our minds. People create different aspirations for their lives. If someone tells you that being pretty hurt would you believe them? We become consumed with the notion of fitting in, having the scale determine our self-worth we become lost. Derryl Roberts’s (2011) the director who is also featured in America the Beauty 2: The Thin Commandments, a documentary of the world of dieting, measuring your imperfection with society’s view on weight. The overarching questions are you happy with your self even with all these diets programs, constant approval of acceptance while watching your BMI. Are you living? Or are you simply creating a monster of an addiction, a disorder, a limitation of living because your worried about every bite you consume would add up.

The scale can be a person’s worst enemy if they let it.  The determination of fitting in and being fit takes a back seat when people just want to attain a certain look. The goals shifts to looking right, slowly overshadows the purpose of being fit. The scale transforms our look of perfection. We slowly believe being a certain weight, within our body mass index (BMI), should be a goal for people to obtain. Roberts (2011) stated that Federal Trade Commission had the BMI lowered. “In 1994-1998 the overweight threshold BMI=28, then in 1999-current the BMI went to 25. So over night 25 million American became overweight.” The logic behind lowering the BMI makes it impossible to maintain a cautious level of control when any moment the government can change all the rules. Janiszewski, Ph.D. (2012) states in his article  “I have heard countless time how one buff celebrity or another (e.g. Tom Cruise, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Rock etc.) would be classified as overweight or obese according to their BMI due to their excess amount of muscle. Yes, that absolutely true. BMI is a measure of relative weight: fat mass and muscle mass are not distinguished.”  Yet people are still trying to obtain this ideology BMI that does not exist. Instead people restrict their intake of food, claiming a life style, change but slowly we trying to reach an unrealistic goal. Roberts (2011) states that “on any given day, almost half of the women in the U.S. are on a diet, while one in four men are on a diet.” Like many people they have a love hate relationship with the scale because they want to know after all their hard work how much they weigh, does it reflect on the scale?  But at most times they slowly become angry with themselves because of the lack of progression shown. Revaluating where they fail in training, “was it what I ate, maybe I need to try something new or train harder.” Janiszewski, Ph.D. (2012) states it so well when he says “ this lack of change in BMI or body weight is all too often interpreted as failure, resulting in the disappointed individual resuming inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating patterns.” Slowly I had to revaluate my relationship with the scale and this so called BMI system, because every time I visit the doctor they automatically assume because of my weight I might have diabetes, high cholesterol, or other problems. I am then urged to get tests done which always come back normal. I work out even if the scale does not reflect the status quo desire to be thin. People might think that unless the number on the scale reflects society’s notion of perfection they are not worthy.

People need to start being comfortable in their own skin. We live in a shallow world where people gain happiness by making other people feel weak. Roberts (2011) states that “four out of five American woman say they’re dissatisfied with the way they look.” Its not only that people are not happy with how they look even children feel the effect of lacking self love. Roberts (2011) continues to state, “fifty percent of 9 and 10 yr. old girls say that being on a diet makes them feel better about themselves.” When will these standards of beauty change? Roberts (2011) also states “more than one out of three “normal dieters” progress to pathological dieting. One fourth of those will go on to suffer from partial or full syndrome eating disorder.” When will society realize that making people feel unattractive, unsatisfied in their skin will only create more problems? Beverly Johnson (2011) states, “ In our world the thinner you get the more fabulous you get.” People should aim to be healthy not thin.


A person’s aspiration in life should be to achieve happiness, not worry about the scale. The simplest word, the kindest gesture can slowly change the way people target fitness. Having a thin body should never be the value of someone’s life. Being pretty should not hurt instead being pretty should be rewarding. No body should be dying to be thin. Roberts (2011) states, “ almost half of American children between first- third grade say they want to be thinner.” Michelle Obama launched her campaign to make children live a healthy lifestyle. Her campaign is focus around “Let’s Move” was launched February 9, 2010.  It’s important that if you’re going to have a healthy lifestyle you have to change your lifestyle to become healthy. The overall goal for everyone should be to become healthy not thin.

A level of self-love needs to be established. When you find a path of happiness its not about losing weight its about developing self-acceptance. Develop a healthy life style that does not make you create a level of addiction with the scale. Instead of developing disillusion with food, develop a level of moderation without dieting. Don’t deprive your body of food that you loves instead don’t over indulge in unhealthy habits. It’s not impossible to gain to level of acceptance, but people need to develop a level of self-love that acknowledge, that scale should not shape our minds of society’s acceptance.


Janiszewski, P Ph.D. (2012,February10). Why the Body Mass Index (BMI) is a Poor Measure of Your Health. Retrieved from

Roberts, D. (Director) &(Producer) (2011). America the Beautiful 2:  The Thin Commandments.  United States: Harley Boy Entertainment

Sheika Mozah

Mozah bint Nasser Al Missned


Ms. J


Her Highness Sheikha Mozah is the SOPHISTICATED DIVA of the week. She is the driving force behind educational and social reforms in Qatar, by serving as a Chairperson of Qatar Foundation for Education, Science and Community Development; Vice Chair of the Supreme Council of Health; Sidra Medical and Research Centre; actively contributes to UNESCO and many more.


Her Highness embodies the “Superwoman” characteristics. She is a leader for all especially the minority (the children), promotes positivity through educational and social reforms, and defies social norms of what it means to be a woman today; most importantly what it means to be a Muslim woman in an Arab country. Kudos to Sheikha Mozah for breaking new boundaries for woman and becoming a positive role model to young women everywhere.


Some of her Accomplishments are:

1. 2010 #74 Forbes Power Women

2. Founded the Shafallah Center (center to aid disabled children)

3. Changing the perspective of how Arabic and/or Middle Eastern women are perceived


Side note: I love her outfits. She exudes glam, elegance, confidence and more. What it means to be a woman. You do not need to wear revealing clothes to look beautiful. Pure Inspiration!


Learn more at her website:


Finance 101

Finance 101



So last week, I asked that you write down your financial goals for the future. This will be your fuel to obtaining what you want. Go ahead, and post them up somewhere you will always see it; whether that is on your mirror, your door etc. It will serve as a constant reminder of what you need to do to succeed.


What are the things or people holding you back from obtaining your goals?

Is it because:

1. You are not making enough money to pay bills and save

2. Do you try to save but then something always come up that you have to spend money on ?

3. Do you have a shopping addiction (you may or may not realize it) ?

4. Does money fly out your hand and you cannot account for it?

5. Do you have a “moocher” who you cannot say no too?


First off, make a budget worksheet to see what your expenses are. Be honest because you need to know where your money is going. There are many free budget excel worksheets that you can download from the internet. Pick one that fits your needs and populate. The truth might hurt, however it will provide you with a realistic view of your life. To ensure you did it correctly, use last month’s data and reconcile to your bank statements. Open another tab on the excel workbook and delete and/or reduce the items that you know are not necessary for your overall living. Compare numbers and imagine it going to one of your financial goals. Some may be able to have drastic savings and some not as much but no matter what it’s a start.


First Date Social Media Drama

First Date Social Media Drama

By: Ms. K

I rang in the New Year ready to date. Ready to just be out in the dating world again trying to discover what I want in a man. My previous relationship lasted for almost six years and it left me twisted, fragile, hurt, and scared to give another man my heart. I know my last relationship was not perfect it had many flaws, a lack of trust, and communication issues. I didn’t want to enter the dating world hurt or give another man my heart until I was fully healed within. I gave myself a year to remain single and to rediscover myself before embarking into the dating world.

The song that motivated me to finally move on was Beyonce- “Best Thing I Never Had”

After watching the ball drop in Time Square, I got a message on Instagram from a guy who being asking me out for a date a couple of times (Well it was not direct, but he implied). I’m being avoiding replying to his attempts because he is not my type. He is not my type at all! While I am not a person of looks, or status, I am a woman who has a type. I already know I want to avoid my old types the jerks, and cheaters. While I wanted to be optimistic about what this date will entail, I really didn’t want take part. But for a short moment I responded, “we should go out this Friday.” The convo actually went like this because I didn’t want to quote the wrong thing.

The pic that started the convo on Instagram :


Me: I’m ready for 2nite #city

Him: Where we at lol

Me: I’m in NY lol… where u at

Him: South beach

Me: I know ur having fun

Him: Not really am not partying with u

Me: Next time we can party together

Him: Tell me anything

Me: We should go out this Friday

Him: We can

Me: K that the plan.

I am a woman of my words, but quickly after saying yes with liquor in my system… I wanted to reschedule or cancel. I finally arrived back in Florida and it was Friday “Date Night.” I was not excited, nervous, I just wanted to get it over with. I  imagine my first date being fill with excitement, instead I just wanted to get it over with.

The date almost didn’t happen, because I was sleeping and only woke up because I didn’t want to reschedule. While getting ready I didn’t want to be too sexy, or look too lazy, I just wanted to look like I’m going out with my friend. I just wanted to look comfortable.  While getting ready I am texting my Latin papi R and asking him how I look. If I can choose he would be my date because I care for him. (Even though with him he will break my heart into a million pieces, because he was my first, my friend at times, plus he lives in NY.)

The outfit for my first date: (I got Latin Papi R approval)


While its time for the date to finally start, I had to pick him up. (His car was not working, and he suggested rescheduling, but I just wanted to get it over with.) When I picked him up, he had no idea of what he wanted us to do so I suggest we get something to eat. While driving to Benihanna to our first date we had a good car convo learn more about him that I didn’t know. I realize that next time I am going to drive to the location by myself with any future first date, because that awkward moment when your trying to have a good convo plus remain having a good convo while on the date. (Disclaimer first dates so this might not be true for future dates). The conversation was actually going well. It was nothing bad about the conversation, just learning more about each other. We arrive to our destination and already we were ready to seat and continue conversation.

It’s about to go down! I am an Instagram photo addict. I will confess, so once the date started I’m just clicking away from the chef, to taking a selfie. While taking a selfie he asked are you going to take a picture of us. I took a picture, but I didn’t want to upload the picture to Instagram, because I love taking pic of myself but I am trying to be very private with my personal life.  I feel some aspects of my life should be private, plus we all know the golden rule “Be very carefully when posting pictures of new relationships, potential relationship or a simple date” because no one have time to answer a million and one questions.

(The chief was doing his thing)


Picture upload… instant response form best friend, and sisters via text and a left voice mail. While I am still on a date, but I could not ignore my phone. Well I didn’t want to ignore my phone.

Text Convo:

Best F: -__- is he wearing gold teeth -___-

Me: Yes he is smh lol

Best F: -__- #done

Me: It’s nothing serious he been asking so finally said alright

Best F: Clearly hope so #nojudgement but come on

Me: Believe its nothing more

Best F: Imma have to smack u. I am only like 6 hours away

Me: no u don’t

Best F: -___- Hmph ight (puts black attitude away) going back to packing

Me: U know he is not my type but I figure what wrong with dinner

O it didn’t end their my sister was blowing up my phone, leaving me a voice mail.

Me: What happen

Sister: Voice Mail

Me: I heard it… Y’all are crazy

Sister: Delete Delete Delete Delete

Flee the scene


Sister: We’re so serious

I didn’t think he was that hideous

Me: I told u he was not my type u said go for it

Sister: Omg but this is something else

Me: Ok you should listen to me when I say my comments

Sister: Well on the bright side I am happy you got your feet wet

Me: ok

I wish I could play the voice mail… It was hilarious.

It didn’t stop their I forgot I had my Instagram account link to Facebook, that was another round of being like who this? Even people who didn’t respond said they were thinking who is this guy.

So that picture got deleted on Facebook, and Instagram. (I already told him I might not keep it up).

I was not ready for so many questions!

O I was not ready, lesson learn never post a picture of a first date ever.

We have not been on another date since then.

He was not a bad guy; he was just not the guy for me!


Building Your Undergarment

By: Ms. J

Have you ever looked at yourself or someone else and thought that their outfit looks weird? Not weird in the sense that they were wearing a zany outfit that attracted a lot of attention; but more so it was ill fitting on them. Sometimes it is not even the outfit that makes it ill fitting but rather the undergarments that creates the shape in the clothes. In this post, we will discuss the appropriate undergarments to wear to create a clean neat look whether you are in a professional or casual setting.


1. Do invest in shape wear regardless of your body type. Shape wear is amazing for controlling bulging areas. For most women, the gut/tummy area is a source of contention, so the best way to hide/control it is to wear a high waist brief or thong panty.

shape wear

2. Do get fitted for a bra (Victoria Secrets can fit you for free).


3. If you have posture issues or would like to improve in your posture invest in a bra that can do that as well. This in particular is especially good for those with fuller breasts, which is designed to relive the tension from your neck and shoulder.


4. Do wear a sports bra when working out.

sport bra

5. Do buy different types of underwear for various clothes besides bikinis such as high cut briefs, control top briefs, thongs etc.


6. Do get hosiery. Hosiery is great for camouflaging flaws you do not want the world to see on your legs when wearing a dress or skirt. It also is great as shape wear. Finally, if you work in a corporate environment that is very traditional, hosiery completes your professional attire (at least wear it to the interview and check out the other women there to know if you will need to wear it).



1.  Don’t wear tight underwear. (This can cause hygiene issues)

wrong underwear

2. Some women have a tendency to wear a smaller bra size so that their breasts can bulge creating the illusion that they have big boobs, however, that is not cute. Furthermore, it actually causes the bra to cut into your skin, which can become infected if it’s an open wound.

bra 2

3. Don’t wear a bra that you can see in the light unless that is the look your going for. Hopefully that is when you are going out and not in a professional setting. (Yes! I have seen that before.) It is preferred to wear a skin tone colored bra.


There are many different bra and panty designs, which can be annoying to choose from, however with patience you can find the necessary undergarments to start your look off on the right path. This post is not saying that you cannot embrace your size and curves but rather keep those in mind when choosing your clothing and undergarments. In a professional setting wearing the wrong undergarment can create a distraction. We want women to be taken seriously in their profession, so when your peers focus on your attire rather what you have to say, you are less validated in the workplace.



Building your Professional Wardrobe

Building your Professional Wardrobe

By: Ms. J

First impressions are very important. As much as people say they do not discriminate based on appearance, we do whether we realize it or not. Looking your best especially in your career can be that one thing that makes you stand out from the competition. I am not advocating beauty over brains; but what I am saying is that presentation is key. You do not nor should you take drastic approaches to be a model at work or school by becoming anorexic or bulimic; living outside your means etc. At some point in your adult life you have to realize that high school is over and you can take control over how your peers, family and general public perceive you.

So you have made the first step by reading this post. Check out Sweet & Stylish every Sunday for new tips and looks to use for your professional wardrobe. We will also post sophisticated school attire as well. Here, we will post a workshop which starts from the undergarments and go up; adding layer and knowledge on building your wardrobe.


Let’s take a stand and change from this to this

halley                                halley 2

New Goals, New Finance

New Goals, New Finance


By: Ms.J

I am sure that many reading this has claimed 2014 as their year where blessings will flow unto them because I know I sure have. However, are you making a step in the right direction to receive these blessings? Many want to be successful but do not know how to go about it or lack of motivation. Speaking and doing are two different things and in these days action speaks louder than words. What actions are you taking? Whether they are baby steps or giant leaps everything counts to the end results.

First, let’s start off with making a list of things you want and need to do to make your life better whether it will happen this year or later on in the future.

For instance, some items on MY LIST are:

1. Establish my savings account (ie stop taking the money out)

2. Invest

3. Buy a house

4. Start a business

Comment with some of your ideas of what you want to obtain in your finances.

Where’s My Voice?

Where’s My Voice?

By: Ms. K

Time may pass, but my voice remain silent

I can’t seem to revamp the unspoken language

My eyes shows sadness while my voice remain stuck

The tongue in my mouth does not vibrate


The sadness of my reality becomes an illusion

My desire to be brave shrinks to wonderland proportion

My worth slowly shrivels up into non-existence

Where is my roar?

Where is my voice?

Have I become an option for every man desire?


Reality showcase a woman representation

Without the reality of our tears

Without the reality of our fears

Without the reality of our acceptance


I have become a shadow of a brave woman

I have disappeared into the night skies

My existence no longer exist

My voice has no vocal cord

It has no opinion

It only has illusion of lies


My beauty is defined by society acceptance

My opinion gets typecast into my wardrobe

My every desire slowly becomes a woman complaint

My sexual liberation only define as a woman loose

I don’t have a voice

I don’t have an opinion

I am only defined as being woman!


So where is my voice?




                                 By: Ms. K

       When you start dating someone, make sure you establish your self worth. Knowing your self worth is a key factor when choosing a suitable suitor. The problem that many females face during their young adult lives are that they don’t make themselves a priority. They start accepting being an option and slowly the man start treating them like a choice.

Establishing your place in the relationship is key! When you start dating someone its important to set down a certain standard of what is acceptable before you become an easy doormat. Knowing your self value makes it possible to preserve a heart of gold for a man who value loyalty, honesty and commitment. Making your man realizing that you’re a priority and not an option in their eyes. Why do so many woman waste their time with a man who only treat them like an option? They don’t have any desire to respect them as a queen. You’re worth all the diamonds in the world. You’re not worth the pennies of scum.

As woman we cant keep being a man option! Even though females want to be that ride and die chick for their man. Men need to become that ride and die man for their woman. A man, who holds you down, knows when you need a hug, a tissue, a laugh, a kiss, is the man who makes you grow. There are the men who know how to treat a woman like a priority because they love strong independent woman.

Boundaries need to be set! Its not a new rule golden rule but a well establish saying “ Why buy the milk when you get the cow for free?” It’s so accurate when you give away yourself too much the man will slowly start stripping away your value. While the man who would value you is slowly passing you by. Don’t waste too much time with a man who treats you like an option.

Do you know your self worth? Have you made yourself a priority! Only when you become a priority you would attract men who value you on the same level.

I made my self a priority and I can only keep smiling until the right guy come in my life!