(I want to make this clear that the L.O.V.E series is a frictional story, but  the content in this post was based on my real life.)

I don’t want to get hurt again! The fear of letting someone in my heart scares me so much. I feel so much pain from my last love that lingers in my mind. It hunts me because I stayed so long when it was so dysfunctional from the beginning:

Him: U fuckin bitch
Me: I’m not
Him: Give me ya mom number
Him: Yo if u was here rite now I would slap da shit outta u

I am scared of my judgment of men. I am scared I always fall for the jerks and the assholes. Constantly being seen as an option, never valued as being the one. I can see flashbacks of how much in love I was, and how I would stay when he would verbally abuse me. Feeling it was my fault, that I deserve that because I would make him angry. I rather not feel anything then feel everything all at once. I DON’T THINK I CAN HANDLE IT AGAIN SO QUICKLY.

Its not that you’re going to become my lover, but your going to become my enemy in the end of this romance. I hear the melody playing in my head of sad songs developing. I already feel my life tearing apart and we have not even begun. I almost forgot who you are, but I can’t forget the words you tell me. It’s turning into a bad decision. This can’t be love because I already see an ending. I can’t be falling for you because it would lead to destruction.

(I worried about entering another relationship when in the beginning of my last  had these messages involved: The message blew happen on aim back when I was a sophomore in college after telling him that my male classmate text me… Yes I saved my aim messages because deep down I didn’t think he should talk to me like that but I still I stayed because I would tell myself he did this because he loved me. I stayed because deep down I didn’t love myself. )

———————- October 12,   ———————-

Him: U fuckin bitch
Me: I’m not
Him: Give me ya mom number
Him: Yo if u was here rite now I would slap da shit outta u
Him: Since u wanna act like u single go be single
Me: I’m not acting like I’m single
Him: Imma call her & tell her how much of a bitch u r
Me: I don’t like him
Me: Babe calm down
Him: yo u done piss3d me off
Me: Yea
Him: I’m tired of dealin wit ya nieve bullshit
Me: I didn’t do anything though
Him: Ur like a fuckin mentally slow child
Him: I’m not dealin wit u no more
Him: All u do is make me angry
Me: Come on
Him: And I have no reason 2 put up wit dis
Me: u love me
Me: Y u not going to let me talk
Me: U
Me: I love u so much

Him: U r fucking stupid

Him: Stop callin my phone bitch!

Him: Das ya fuckin problem u don’t listen!

Me: Ur not listen to me

Me: Y can’t u see that I only love u
Him : K y u always got dis kinda problem?
Him: Y is it that I never have no gurls callin my phone on some bullshit like that?
Me: no one calls my phone
Me: Beside my family
Me: Nd u
Him : Das nice
Him : Y is he sendin u msgs then???
Me: Idk
Him: I don’t like him
Him: Imma start givin out my number then
Me: We have clas together
Him : Imma see how u like it
Me: That it I don’t hang out him
Me: I only time I text him was monday when I messed class
Me: To see if we had a quiz on wednesday
Me: I only talk to him bout school
Him : Yo k dis better be da last time I ever hear some shit like that again
Me: Ok
Him: I will dump ya ass in a heartbeat
Him : And not give a shit about it
Me: I’m going to tell him not to text me no more
Me: Bc he cross the line
Him : I really think we need 2 take a break
Me: No we dont
Him : Cuz I feel like im too good 2 be treated like this
Me: I treat u good
Me: I’m always there when u need me
Him : U givin me nothin but stress and problems
Him : No u r not
Him : I am miserable
Me : And I aint been happy in a long time
Me:  Is bc I’m in school
Him : No
Him : Cuz u stupid
Me: or bc wat happen over the summer
Him : And do stupid shit
Him : Dummy!
Him: Do u realize that there r a million other women
Him : Who would give me wat u give me and more?
Me: Just tell me r u in love wit me
Me: I know there other women
Him: What?
Me: I ask r u in love wit me
Him : I don’t think I can be in love wit some1 who blatantly disrespects my relationship