Fitting Room Dilemma
By: Ms. K
I had to check myself! Trying on clothes in the fitting room turned into a mental breakdown of accepting my body for where it’s at on my fitness journey.
I am only human, and even though I BELIEVE in being positive does not mean I am not my worst enemy. Looking for a new bathing suit became a battlefield, and while I am not confident to rock a two-piece, I was looking for a fabulous one- piece bathing suit. Walking around the store on Saturday was suppose to be more enjoyable, and while I live in South Florida does not mean I am going to find the perfect bathing suit. I was on my way to South Beach to hang out with my cousin and her friends “under the sun”.
Last minute shopping was not my best friend. I could not find anything. I found one bathing suit, but I was not committed on it, so I was looking for other outfits as well. I felt defeated before I even entered the fitting room. I tried on my first new bathing suit since starting my weight loss journey last March. As I stare at the mirror I only saw all my flaws. I was not flattered with my legs at all, while my stomach, arms and chest looks smaller, my legs looked huge. In my head I was wishing after a year my legs would be more desirable, but instead I am seeing all the flab, and extra skin just hanging. I just wanted to put back on my clothes, and run because in my head I was not comfortable. At that moment my inner fear of body rejection entered back into my mind. I realize my legs are smaller there not where I taught they would be. After that I tried on a skirt and I JUST COULD NOT LOOK AT MY LEGS! Why could I not just accept my hard work? Why was I being so hard to myself? Where is my confidence? At that moment I felt defeated and lost. I left the fitting room with no bathing suit, but while I was not confident with wearing a bathing suit, I still bought the skirt as my new goal to accept my legs.
I could not believe I defeated myself after a year of developing confidence. I will admit that I was never confident showing my legs. I use to love showing my legs, but as I gain more weight, the more my confidence of showing my legs died. The first time I wore shorts was last summer after 4 years of not showing my legs. I was the woman who wore pants all summer because I was not happy with my thunder thighs, or how they were not skinny or attractive. Yet over the past weekend I remind myself that I am still self-conscious. I always wanted to be that woman who is not afraid to rock anything regardless of anyone opinion, but deep down that was not me last summer. While I didn’t leave the store with a bathing suit I WILL BE ROCKING A NEW ONE THIS SUMMER! I don’t care if my thighs still jiggle, or of my extra skin, because I know I am improving, and my body was not built in a day.